How To Review: Gossip Girl

So my blog has become a Gossip Girl review site because it seems to be the only time I write. But in my defence this week's episode was so good, I can't even call this show a guilty pleasure anymore. Just a pleasure pleasure (Like Justin Timberlake).

However before I continue with my review I have to let you all know that for the past three weeks every time I sit down to watch Gossip Girl the centipede that lives in my basement comes out. I assume to watch the show. He's a little late in the season but is quite the dedicated viewer. As a viewing companion he adds external tension to the show by scaring the shit out of me. The fear this creature instills in me really forces me to only stare at the t.v and become truly enraptured in whatever storyline is unfolding (unless it has to do with Nate or Serena's brother, only a hypnotist could do that).

The reason I believe this to be one of the better episodes is that Chuck was all up in this episode. I'm trying not to be biased but Chuck centred episodes are better, just because ok!

Plus Chuck's hilarious Uncle Jack(Desmond Harrington, Dexter's Joey Quinn) came back to mess with him. Uncle Jack is the man! His sole purpose for being on the show is to fuck up Chuck's life. It's great.
He also had the best line of the night with,
"I'm starving and all you have in your fridge (Chuck's) is olives and hallucinogenic mushrooms"
The best part of the line was the placement of it in the scene. While the Thorpe character was literally begging for his life, Uncle Jack kept interrupting with how hungry he was. It sounds psychopathic but it was quirky and dare I say intentionally funny.

Last night's episode was the Gossip Girl I have been missing. The legitimately funny, well casted Gossip Girl. It felt like second season all over again with Blair not wanting and wanting Chuck. Plus history was made where Chuck slightly smiled.

And in a slightly interesting turn of events Serena's storyline with her useless cousin has gone all Single White Female.
Though this is a new idea for the show (not in general, in fact the exact same storyline happened with the Annie character in 90210) (Btw, I don't watch that show...anymore...often) it has the old habit of Dan dating the crazy girl.
So now Dan's dating the cousin who wants to kill Serena, where before he dated the ex-best friend (Georgina) who wanted to kill Serena, and had a little hiatus dating his best friend Vanessa who hates/thinks Serena is soulless.
Dan you have a pattern, acknowledge it and move on (to killing Serena).

Next week is the season finale (oh sad!) and I will be posting a video blog!(A vlog if you will.)
So stay tuned and I promise I'll try not to mention Gossip Girl until September..ish, June why don't we just say June.

I want to be in the Bass family, look at how they have normal conversations!

How To Review: Gossip Girl

Hey all. So last night's episode was a doozy. (Side note: While trying to figure out what date the season finale of Gossip Girl is on I stumbled on many, many other GG reviews. It was unsettling. But mine are better, right? RIGHT?)

Anyhow I watched the fist half of the episode with my mother, who, after twenty minutes said,
"This is just a soap opera with barbie dolls" and left.
However in Gossip Girl's defence my mom thinks everything on television (with the exception of the dearly departed Larry King Live) is a soap opera. She once called The Larry Sanders Show a soap opera. So I'm beginning to think that television shows with plots in her mind qualify as soap operas.

But at the same time I definitely understand where she's coming from, the first half of the episode sucked. It had weird lighting, was musicless, and Serena and Nate acted in it.
However the second half was ridic!
(Personal note: Vanessa stop reading. I give away everything that's Chuck related. But don't worry no mention of any other storyline, because, well I just don't care.)

First of all Chuck had a beard and was literally drunk the entire episode! It was magical .
Sadly he shaved the fuzz when he went to go fight for Blair. Unfortunately whilst he was shaving he forgot to get sober and just pissed Blair right off.
He also tried to rape Blair in the last two minutes of the show. It was intense, and a classic Chuck move. The attempted-rape count for this character has now reached three.
Man alive Chuck, I love you, you know I do, but rape is never the answer, no matter what.

Now Blair is engaged to the Prince of Monaco and Chuck seems suicidal.
There are just two episodes left, how will Chuck and Blair get back together? (It's like a math problem for sad single girls)
Well from my many hours of marathoning Gossip Girl I think I know exactly how it will go down.

Classic-Al's Estimation of How the Last Two Minutes of The Gossip Girl Season Four Finale Will Go Down

Setting: 
The entire episode is going to try really hard to make you believe that Blair is married to the Prince and moving to Paris.
It's also going to try to make you think that Chuck is either: dead, slutting it up, or that he hates Blair.

Then in the last two minutes this song will come on (please play simultaneously with the below dialogue)

Blair will run to find Chuck (because Chuck doesn't come to you, you go to Chuck) who is about to get on his private jet.

BLAIR: Chuck! (in a high pitched voice about to crack from sadness)

CHUCK: Blair? (In the raspy whisper of a scotch drinking jaguar)

BLAIR: Where are you going?

CHUCK: To my private country, Chuckatoria Bassland. I thought you married the prince?

BLAIR: I couldn't do it. Your Chuck Bass and I love you.

CHUCK: I am Chuck Bass, and I l..lo...l.. I can't say it.

BLAIR: I left royalty for you! Just say it dammit!

CHUCK: I love you.

Then this song will play

So just two more weeks until the finale!!!
And just two more Gossip Girl Reviews, which are you sadder about?
Thanks for reading!

How To Review: Gossip Girl

Heeeeeeyyyy Allll, I am in a hyper mood right now so please deal with how ridiculously girly and non sensical this post will be!
But let me get the whole, "Sorry I keep skipping days thing" out. I'm finding it hard to find computer time these days so just bear with me. And keep on checking. A new post will come, I promise.

Ok so now for my favourite post of the week, my review on my one and only Gossip Girl.
Ahh, and once again not a fan of this week's episode.
If I was reviewing the second season every post would be, "Best episode ever!", but fourth season, not so much.

On last night's episode it took FIFTEEN MINUTES before Chuck Bass even showed his face. And they made it ever so suspenseful, hiding his face in the shadows.
Fortunately his first line was in response to Nate saying, "Single malt scotch, first thing in the morning?" and Chuck saying hilariously, "It takes the edge off the coke." So that was worth the wait, I think.

Other than that awesome entrance, I could tell the episode was going to bad news when Chuck agreed to go with the Reina character (Acck new characters please get off the show now) to  find her mom in freaking New Jersey.
Once Chuck crossed that Lincoln Tunnel I knew he would be in a storyline that I did not give a shit about.

The rest of the episode was Blair being stupid and getting Dan to stage a relationship with her so that her real relationship with the French Prince would be under wraps.
She was being so silly pretending to like Dan, when apparently Dan really likes Blair...and Serena... and Serena's cousin Charlie (Acck new characters please get off the show now).

You know who Dan doesn't like, Vanessa. He made it very clear this episode. However Dan's sooo judgemental of Vanessa telling on him (about the Blair kiss) to Serena, but has no issue with maybe sleeping with Serena's cousin or best friend.

Dan you remind me of this boy I was best friends with in grade three, Seamus (Pronounced Shamus. Name changed to protect identity).
Seamus was always my best friend until Rowan (Name also changed. Also I'm in a Keltic sort of mood.) showed the slightest of interest. Then it was like I didn't exist.
But all of a sudden by the next recess, you were hanging out with me again as if nothing happened. Damn you Seamus! And damn you Dan! And Vanessa we need to have an intervention.

Dear Vanessa,

You have wicked hair and was wearing a really interesting looking jacket on last night's episode. Not sure if I liked it. I think I did. I think I did.
Anyways, tell Dan Humphrey to fuck off. You live in NYC, you go to NYU, and you are pretty. Make new friends and leave him.
Besides, his new curly-que hairstyle is getting dangerously close to a Jerry-Curl/80's Brit Pop.
So to reiterate- Forget about Dan and I did like your coat.

P.S I know Dan's dad is married to Serena's mom but I feel like there was some definite chemistry between you two in the second season. I'm just saying, if you liked Dan... Hook it up!

Sincerely,
  Classic-Al

Oh and here's my little bitchy aside:
Blake Lively- you're gorgeous, in every scene you look like a super model, but OMFG girl please emote when you act. No matter what is happening to you in any situation you have the same breathy response. Just add one other emotion. Thanks.

And Nate, once again like I ask every week, just do something. Thanks.

And thanks for reading!! xoxo.

THIS, PLUS...

THIS, EQUALS...

THIS.

How To Be Back Baby!!

I took a week off. It won't happen again...anytime soon.

Alls I knows is break's over, I wanna write my review on the newest episode of Gossip Girl!
That's right, after two months it is finally back on the air.
I was so freaking excited for this episode because it  promised Blair and Chuck drama (or Chair as someone has coined their relationship name. Ha, Chair. I feel like no matter who I date I will never be able to have a cool combined nick-name like that. What combines with Alessandra? What if I date a guy named Felix... Felissandra? Terrible, it sounds like someone is feeling the name Alessandra).

Anyways the episode totally disappointed.
Now I don't want to be the kind of person that is all self righteous about how a T.V show's plot line should go according to my personal beliefs. I hate that shit.
Seeing reviews on movies and T.V shows always gets me down because most of the time I disagree with the reviewer (DAMN YOU OUZOUNIAN!) And people are so petty. But I have my reasons why I didn't like this episode and they aren't petty.

Well actually, why don't I get the petty issues out of the way.
Ummm, Chuck was in the episode for like ten minutes. As Tim Gunn says, "This worries me." I keep reading articles that Ed Westwick is wanting out of the show, same with Blake Lively.
Plus they keep adding new characters, like Serena's useless cousin, and when they start adding characters that's when the good actors start leaving.
Example: The O.C. All of a sudden out of nowhere Marissa has a younger sister. Then bam, Marissa dies.
Example: The Fresh Prince of Bel-air. All of a sudden cousin Nicky is born and bam, a year later the Fresh Prince dies! (Or ends after six seasons, same difference.)

I'm starting to realize that I only like GG because of Chuck and occasionally Blair. I just want Gossip Girl to end in a nice way, not go down the Grey's Anatomy path.

Anyways now the actual episode. Nothing really happened except setting up that Serena has a poor cousin (Oh no, not poor!). So she buys her clothes and turns her against her mother within two hours of meeting.
Serena, you're acting crazy but because you have nice hair everyone's on your side.

Blair realized she wanted to be with Chuck not Dan. But Chuck was all intense and rude (classic Chuck) so Blair called him a child (that was very good) and Dan was all, "Oh the kiss didn't mean anything to me, unless it meant something to you Blair?...Oh it didn't. I guess I'll pine after Serena again. Vanessa? Why do you still exist?"

Then at the very end of the episode Blair's Parisian fling (who's an actual prince) comes to New York to marry her (he had her high heel shoe that she left for him and everything!).

Oh and there's some storyline with Nate, but... I just don't care. Nate be interesting!

So now I have to watch next weeks episode, obvi. Or I could just watch the coming attractions because those "Next Week on Gossip Girl", promos are very exciting.

But just like Gossip Girl, I'm back so thanks for reading. Next time when I take a break, I'll let you know. All nine of you. But you nine are the best!

How suspenseful!

How To Be Confused

So I just realized that I wrote yesterday's post thinking it was Tuesday. Therefore proving that I don't know what day it is if Gossip Girl isn't on. Oh god. I am actually grateful that it's on hiatus until mid-April because this addiction has gotten out of hand (Making me forget what day of the week it is, I blame Chuck Bass' sneer)....(Oh I could never blame Chuck, I'm so sorry).
Since yesterday became Tuesday's entry then today can be Wednesday's "Anything Goes" and Wednesday can be "Requests". Then I swear I'll get my own rules right for next week.

I think my iPod is trying to commit murder-suicide. First, the headphones keep ever so slightly electrocuting me. When it first began, I thought my ear was doing something funny, but today there were full out sparks.
You'd think the first time you get shocked by headphones you'd stop using them, but they're my only pair. Plus I know I'm never going to remember to pick up another pair. It's like these jeans I bought a month ago; everyday I say I'll get them hemmed, and every day they sit on my desk ten inches too long just mocking me. So I'll keep the headphones for now.
Also I think I'm beginning to figure out when the shocks are going to happen. The last two times it was during two different Alicia Keys songs. So along with Gossip Girl, I'm boycotting Alicia Keys (but I'm not really boycotting GG, I just miss it so much I'm acting like it broke up with me).
The reason why I think it's a murder-suicide is because one morning out of the blue, the screen broke. I have no recollection of smashing the screen and also I hung up my coat in a safe non-droppable closet. There is no reason for this to have happened except the reason of my iPod wanting out of its life.

Sorry for the reflection, my computer screen is so big and bright, it could light up most of Western Europe 

Well that ain't gonna happen! iPod, I got something to tell you, that I'll write in poem form.
Oh pod, oh pod. DO NOT BREAK ON ME!
For I have just discovered youtubetomp3.com and it's made life so lovely.
So get over your depression,
You were bought because there is no recession,
And you make me ever so happy!

So as long as the broken glass doesn't cut my hand, and the earphones don't kill me via electrocution, I'll stand by my iPod (Plus I started carrying a wooden spoon, so next Alicia Keys song that comes on all I gotta do is bite down hard on that bad boy!).

Thanks for reading!

I'd never blame you Chuck, just be new episodes again!

How To Review: Not Gossip Girl Edition

So once again, my GG is a no-show (I thought March was supposed to be sweeps?)
So I guess I will review what I'm watching at this moment, Sex and the City season four (just when you thought I couldn't get any girlier).
The fourth season is my favourite. It's summer time, everyone's all tan and relaxed looking, and they were rich but not glutton-crazy over done rich like in the films. Plus it has as much Aidan as it does Big so it's like the best of relationships.

There are a couple of questions I've always had about Sex and the City-

First: When Carrie writes in her column intimate details about her relationships and the relationships of those around her, don't the people care?
There is an episode when Big confronts what an asshole he was to Carrie because he read in the book that was a compilation of all of her columns. Therefore proving that the people on the show know when they're being written about. Either her boyfriends are totally confident with themselves in a relationship or I no one in her life reads her writing. Now I just feel sad because if no one reads Carrie's column, I believe it is safe to assume then really no one reads mine. Not that I have column where I get paid or anything. That would be nice. If someone wants to pay me to do this I would accept the cash. I wouldn't feel embarrassed or anything.

Second: I think Carrie's questions (in her column that come at the point in the episode when everything starts to come together/fall apart) started out really relevant but sort of deteriorated by the end.
Example
Season 1: "Can women have sex like men?" (Shocking, for the time, and slightly thought provoking)

Season 3: "Do women just want to be rescued?" (Shocking-ish, and debate worthy)

Season 5: "Is a relatioship a relationship without the zsa zsa zsu?" (What? I get trying to start a word  trend, but, what?)

In the end I really love Sex and the City. It's the only show I could watch over and over every year since I was in grade nine, and I'm not alone in this sentiment. So no matter how silly or over the top the show can be, it's never going to be as ridiculous as Gossip Girl. 

Sigh, I have no standards.

Thanks for reading!

Me Likey!

How To Be Dissapointed

So I know today was supposed to be a Gossip Girl recap day, and I'm heartbroken too about it btw, but it's a stupid rerun.
Of course it is, the first good episode in two months and now I'm going to have to wait probably two months for Chuck's reaction to Blair and Dan's kiss, very exciting/stupid. I bet you he's going to shoot Dan, in a poetic full circle kind of a way.
[Side Note: Update, new episodes don't start until April 18th! The 18th! That's like a full out summer-time hiatus. Wah]

Instead I will fill you in on my days events.
Woke up forty-five minutes after my alarm and was only five minutes late for babysitting (I was as proud as I was out of breath).
After a full afternoon of babysitting, I did a full evening's worth (at least I'm earning like a Rockefeller). I babysat the mean kid, who was so rude that I punished him with no electronics. After discovering that watching a movie was an electronic, he got pretty upset and said don't talk to me I'm in my room trying to sleep.
I do find it slightly ironic that while I was punishing him, I was playing Scrabble on his Mom's iPad, but hey man I don't follow the rules I only enforce them. Either way, it was a rough night.
When I got home I was so annoyed I sat and stared out the window for twenty minutes. I imagined life as a catatonic and it's not so bad, it's kind of relaxing.

So now I sit here typing with the rerun of GG blaring in the background. I was so ready to write the review tonight I was going to do a play by play, like sports! (Fine I don't watch sports, in fact in highschool when I accidentally got on the rugby team I would call practice, rehearsal. The only time I got the ball I pretended to fumble it and then ran in the opposite direction. Man I'm unathletic.)

But no review to be had. Oh well. I could tell you that last night I had a dream where Adrian Brody had a cameo in it. Literally, he said, "Hey, just doing a cameo." He was really funny.
I think it's time for me to stop watching t.v and start getting into sports.
Ooooh I'll dooo it this afternoon.
Thanks for reading!

Hey, just doing a cameo in Al's blog

How To Review: Gossip Girl

Ok all, so I am so freaking excited to do a review for Gossip Girl.
I do understand that if a) you don't watch the show, b) you do watch the show but you're not caught up yet, or c) you've never heard of the show and you're very confused by my obsession with the show, Monday posts may become irrelevant. But fear not, I'm witty so you'll enjoy, regardless of what I write.

So being the first review I will give you a little backstory as to why I love this glorified teen soap. Two words-Chuck Bass. He is hilarious, he's hot, he wears bow ties often and he speaks in this low raspy voice while saying ridiculous things like this:
"We, don't need tickets, I'm Chuck Bass."
"I'm Chuck Bass, and I love you."
"This means war Blair. Me versus you. No limits."
And the ever popular,
"I'm Chuck Bass."
The best part is he's like nineteen and so serious. I'm pretty sure he has never laughed once.
As for the other reasons to watch the show, it's fun, the clothes are unbelievable, New York, Paris and Blair is just as hilarious as Chuck.

Tonight's episode was a goody. The past few weeks the episodes have been incredibly dull since Serena has taken up with her ex-teacher/statutory rapist (who looks like he could be her brother)

 
   

           Like siblings, no?







Plus Blair and Chuck have barely had any scenes together. This makes me realize that I don't care about any other storyline except for those two crazy kids to end up together.
But finally, near the end the episode, something dramatic occurs to Chuck and he gets drunk and keeps shouting that he wants Blair (best part!). Of course this happens in like the last two minutes of the show, which means of course I have to watch next week.

Besides the Chuck being drunk incident, my other favourite part of the show was when the Reina character tells Nate he's not as dumb as he looks to which he responds, "I get that a lot." Oh Nate, he's so slow. To get a real insight on how slow Nate really is, I reccomend looking at what I refer to as my sister blog "What in the World is Up". Blogger Mercedes does a delightful post called "Nate Thinks", that encapsulates how Nate just barely knows what's going on.
Chuck owns an empire, Blair's on a conquest for world domination, Serena gets a man out of jail and Nate plays Wii stoned. Oh Nate, when will you learn?!

The other major thing that happened on tonight's episode is Dan and Blair may have feelings for eachother, OMFG! This angers me because all this means is there is another god damn obstacle before Chuck and Blair just get together. So I will end this review with a letter to the writers of Gossip Girl:

Hey writers of Gossip Girl, what's up?
So great job with tonight's episode. That maroon coat you put Chuck in was glorious.
So I'm sort of liking the direction you're going in this season, except for the whole Juliet and Ben storyline that went on for so long that I thought I had missed an episode and became very confused. When the confusion settled I realized you guys just did a bad job writing. But I'm not here to judge, I'm here to coach. Writers, just make Chuck and Blair get together, give Serena a love interest that doesn't look like her and is more interesting than toast, and let Nate continue to go to Columbia and hopefully retain the knowledge he learns there. But still, good job tonight.
Sincerely,

                                   xoxo Classic-Al.


Thanks for reading!