How To Make A Salad

Hey all! Request Thursdays coming at ya! So my good friend Anisa K, has requested that I do a "How To" on how to make a salad.
So every potluck I make this salad and get so many compliments. I don't want to brag but people go crazy for it.
I come from a great line of salad makers so it's in my blood. I will give respect to where respect is due, Zoe Gale Garnett came to my house when I was in grade eleven and changed my family's salad making life. We were all about just using olive oil and balsamic vinegar as the dressing with just plain romaine lettuce, but Zoe made a version of this salad that we still use today. I have changed many aspects of the original salad but the outline is still there.

Alessandra's Salad Masterpiece (No big deal, but it's really good)

[SIDENOTE: I don't believe in measurements. I'm very haphazard with the whole cooking experience. My friends are actually scared to watch me while I make this salad because everything that I chop I don't use a chopping board, I use my hands. I also like to have the knife face towards me. It's my thing.]

Dressing
Juice and zest of a lemon
Olive oil
Balsamic vinegar
Grated parmesan cheese
Black pepper
Chopped chives
Grated garlic
Honey
Chopped basil
Dried oregano

Mix this all together in a glass and pour over the salad.

Salad
Mescaline mix (salad, not the drug)
Romaine lettuce
Avocados
Mangos
Cucumbers
Red Peppers
Red Onions
Blueberries
Blue cheese on top
Almonds
Mandarin oranges

Now I know it seems like there are just too many flavours in this salad and it seems gross, but it really isn't. It's a magical experience (I don't wanna boast or anything). So make and enjoy!!!

Thanks for reading!

My salad is the far left, it was actually tagged as fantastic (no big deal though)

How To Ignore The News

Hey all. So like many people I have been following the Charlie Sheen drama through osmosis. I don't actively seek it out, it just manages its way into my day to day life. Like last night.
Last night I had PVRd the show Raising Hope but the 20/20 Charlie Sheen interview was on instead. This is always very upsetting to me when one thing says it's being taped and something else ends up being on, like a State of the Union Address, for example (I taped Project Runway dammit, I don't need to be filled in on current events!).

So I watched the interview and was so angry I was screaming at the TV. The last time I screamed at the T.V was when I was watching The Hills a few years ago. The character Spencer said something so stupid that I shouted "Oh my god!", at the T.V. I then abruptly turned it off and never watched The Hills again. Mindless entertainment should be entertaining, not emotionally exhausting.

Anyways, I was screaming because the interview was useless. Sheen shed no light into anything that was relevant. He barely talked about what was happening with Two and a Half Men, and kept saying he would defend his bitchin lifestyle through violent hatred. What does that even mean?
AGH no one cares. It's clear that ABC's 20/20 only did this interview because they're so excited that the most popular show on their rival network is ending through violent hatred. The woman hosting the interview was judgemental and misinformed. What a waste of forty two minutes of my life (yeah, that's right PVR means no commercials!).

I don't know what is happening in pop culture right now but just make it stop. Between the anti-semitism of John Galliano, Mel Gibson and Charlie Sheen; along with the messes of Christina Aguilera, and Lindsay Lohan, I miss fun entertainment news.
I also hate knowing so much information. Like on Good Morning America, they released Charlie Sheen's drug test results, LIVE! It's been said before but, have you no decency sir?
When I was a kid everything really was just slightly classier. US magazine used to have articles and pictures taken by successful photographers. Entertainment news was relevant to entertainment, not Tila Tequila's bi-sexual break up (true headline).

Just go back to the way things were, please. And pull a Bambi, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".
You know what, I understand what Violent hatred means now. I violently hate the direction of the media (except for you Perez Hilton, you're my star!).

Thanks for reading!!

                                        Wait a second, this isn't Raising Hope!

How To Babysit Part II

Hey all. So today is Tuesday which is now known as regurgitate whatever was said to me today by whomever I am babysitting day.
Today, I had the pleasure of taking care of a delightful three-year old boy. With my blog in the back of my mind, I felt like I was trying to hard to capture something that he said as either meaningful or funny so I gave up. That was until I was reading a Vanity Fair, which at the end of the magazine always has a Proust Questionnaire. The people asked these questions always seem so wise and learned so I was inspired and decided to ask the little guy classic Proust questions.

What book could you read over and over?

I'm gonna put on my shoes, I'm gonna put on my shoes, mmmmmmm Brown Brown Bear

What is the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?

Um I don't know. Puzzle pieces

If you could have any superpower what would it be?

Grape power. I can turn into a grape and eat myself.

If you could live anywhere in the world where would you live?

Here.

Piano Break Part One. The child needed a break from the questions so he began to play the piano. He performed an original song entitled "Baseball Great", which consisted of him banging on the piano and singing the lyrics, "Baseball great, baseballl great".

What is you're idea of a perfect date?

Uhhh have lots of friends over. Simon. Calla, We would play Diego.

Piano Break Part Two. He is now playing the piano singing, "One two three four, seven eight ten, seven eight ten, yeah!"

What hobby would you persue if you had more time?

Tired

What is your motto?

Mmmmmm, A, R, C. 

(Side note: A.R.C was his answer to most of the things I asked him that day. For example, "Do you like your muffin?" Response, "A.R.C". It may be a code, I'm not sure.)

Piano Break Part Three. His final improvised song was his most touching. Here is a sample of some of the lyrics, "The baby is fast asleep with the mother, the baby was asleep and the mother was awake and the sheep was awake with the mother".

Who do you admire the most?

Mama.

So Proust was right, you really can learn about a person's soul when asked these questions, regardless of age.

Thanks for reading!

This is not the little boy I took care of today, but he's quite similar.

How To Review: Gossip Girl

Ok all, so I am so freaking excited to do a review for Gossip Girl.
I do understand that if a) you don't watch the show, b) you do watch the show but you're not caught up yet, or c) you've never heard of the show and you're very confused by my obsession with the show, Monday posts may become irrelevant. But fear not, I'm witty so you'll enjoy, regardless of what I write.

So being the first review I will give you a little backstory as to why I love this glorified teen soap. Two words-Chuck Bass. He is hilarious, he's hot, he wears bow ties often and he speaks in this low raspy voice while saying ridiculous things like this:
"We, don't need tickets, I'm Chuck Bass."
"I'm Chuck Bass, and I love you."
"This means war Blair. Me versus you. No limits."
And the ever popular,
"I'm Chuck Bass."
The best part is he's like nineteen and so serious. I'm pretty sure he has never laughed once.
As for the other reasons to watch the show, it's fun, the clothes are unbelievable, New York, Paris and Blair is just as hilarious as Chuck.

Tonight's episode was a goody. The past few weeks the episodes have been incredibly dull since Serena has taken up with her ex-teacher/statutory rapist (who looks like he could be her brother)

 
   

           Like siblings, no?







Plus Blair and Chuck have barely had any scenes together. This makes me realize that I don't care about any other storyline except for those two crazy kids to end up together.
But finally, near the end the episode, something dramatic occurs to Chuck and he gets drunk and keeps shouting that he wants Blair (best part!). Of course this happens in like the last two minutes of the show, which means of course I have to watch next week.

Besides the Chuck being drunk incident, my other favourite part of the show was when the Reina character tells Nate he's not as dumb as he looks to which he responds, "I get that a lot." Oh Nate, he's so slow. To get a real insight on how slow Nate really is, I reccomend looking at what I refer to as my sister blog "What in the World is Up". Blogger Mercedes does a delightful post called "Nate Thinks", that encapsulates how Nate just barely knows what's going on.
Chuck owns an empire, Blair's on a conquest for world domination, Serena gets a man out of jail and Nate plays Wii stoned. Oh Nate, when will you learn?!

The other major thing that happened on tonight's episode is Dan and Blair may have feelings for eachother, OMFG! This angers me because all this means is there is another god damn obstacle before Chuck and Blair just get together. So I will end this review with a letter to the writers of Gossip Girl:

Hey writers of Gossip Girl, what's up?
So great job with tonight's episode. That maroon coat you put Chuck in was glorious.
So I'm sort of liking the direction you're going in this season, except for the whole Juliet and Ben storyline that went on for so long that I thought I had missed an episode and became very confused. When the confusion settled I realized you guys just did a bad job writing. But I'm not here to judge, I'm here to coach. Writers, just make Chuck and Blair get together, give Serena a love interest that doesn't look like her and is more interesting than toast, and let Nate continue to go to Columbia and hopefully retain the knowledge he learns there. But still, good job tonight.
Sincerely,

                                   xoxo Classic-Al.


Thanks for reading!

Al's Views 5: How To Win

I did it. I won my Oscar pool. It was very exciting for me, less so for Mina. She was all, "Why do you get so mean?" "You're really having a competition with yourself," etc, etc. I won by two categories so not that much of a victory but good enough. Let's just say it was a Biutiful win (get it? Cause I'm going to force Mina to see Biutiful for my prize, plus I want my wooden spoon dammit!).

As for the actual show, it was ok. Half way through the night I got a little bored. James Franco wasn't used as much as I would have liked. For example he could have done an Acting with James Franco segment that he does on Funny or Die (it's very enjoyable and Dave his little bro is too cute and hilarious). He also could have expressed his love for me by dying his hair blonde and reenacting my favourite scenes from Freaks and Geeks, but I guess the Oscars does cater to a broader and less me audience.

Since I won and I feel in generous mood I am going to say nice things about the actors that won in the major categories.

Colin Firth: Umm you are the most adorable man in the world. I feel like technically you shouldn't be attractive but dammit you are. I enjoyed the clip they showed from your movie when you cried about not being able to be a king. Oh I just want to pinch you!
Natalie Portman: Oh Natalie, you're pregnant, beautiful, talented, engaged, and was in my favourite movie of the year. On top of that I'm only like thiry-five percent jealous of you because you seem like someone I would want to hang out with.
Also when I watched you in the post-show press junket, you handled the stupidest questions ever so politely. Example: Q-"Natalie are you going to name your unborn son Oscar?" R-"Actually I don't know the sex of my child, but no Oscar will probably not be the name."
Good job, I would have been super sarcastic. Plus you proove my theory that all beautiful women are named Natalie (find me an ugly Natalie, just try!).
Melissa Leo: Where do I start? Seriously, I had no idea who you were until The Fighter and even now you are unrecognizable compared to your character. I did enjoy that you said "fuck" in your acceptance speech. But also it's a shame you said "fuck", because after all your hard work as an actor and winning against all odds the Academy Award, you will always be known as the girl who said "fuck".
Christian Bale: I like that you have a cockney accent. I don't like that you look like Charles Manson. I like your work in The Fighter. I don't like how unbelievably attracted I was to you in American Psycho, it made me think long and hard about the kind of person I am.

So hurray for the winners, hurray for Hollywood, hurray for me, and it hurts me to admit this, but hurray for Anne Hathaway. I liked her hosting abilities. She was, dare I say, sincere. That and all her dresses were wicked awsome amazing.

So another Oscars (my Christmas) has come and gone, it's a little sad but I'm happy I was able to share it with you all! Have a good night.
Thanks for reading!!

I miss blonde James Franco, it was simpler times then

PS. Shout out to Elly who sat through the Oscars with me and my cat who in the end forced her to go home with an allergic reaction. There is only one real rule I adhere to in life: If Skyla sits next to you sprinkle her with water in the face until she leaves, I don't care how cute you think she is.

How To Follow Through!!

I did it! I actually said I would write every day in my blog for one month and I actually achieved this. Trust me there were plenty of opportunities to not write. In fact the last two weeks of this expeiriment I couldn't help but write each entry right before I went to bed, which I admit does not make for the best posts (See: How To Write A Post In Five Minutes, How To Cure A Headache).
Still, I powered through. But now with the Oscars happening tomorrow and everything, I think I shall continue to write every single day. If that Julie, Julia woman did it for a year and she had a real job plus was cooking multiple dishes a day, what excuse do I have? I mean it's two o'clock in the afternoon and I am still in my pajamas, blog writing is in my DNA.

So now in honour of me actually following through and doing something that I said I would I am going to start having different themes for each day of writing:
Sunday- that's already Al's Views (which is kind of redundant when you think about it).
Monday- Chuck Notes, my review on this weeks Gossip Girl. This one is purely for my enjoyment (sorry reading audience) plus it gives me a reason to watch GG on Monday nights.
Tuesday- Rehashing all the mean things the kid I babysit for has said to me over the week.
Wednesday- Free for all. Whatever's in my head happens.
Thursday- Requests.
Friday and Saturday are TBA.
Not to be forgotten I am starting a talk-show which I will also post here.

Thanks for sticking with me for this month and I hope you will continue to.
Thanks for reading!!

This is how happy you make me when you read my blog!! YEA!!

How To Be Quiet

Hey all. So I am babysitting again, apparently I am trying to break some sort of record. The baby is asleep, but not really. I can hear him talking to himself, which is really hilarious if you stop and think about it. What is he saying? He's having a pretty intense conversation with himself, probably just rehashing the days events,
"Well I woke up, ate some mush, fell asleep due to all the energy I used up during breakfast, woke up, went for a ride in the stroller, had people talk at me, discovered that I can drop things on the ground, dropped my food on the ground for half an hour, cried because I could, and now I'm lying in my crib listening to lullaby Radiohead. What a day."

So since the baby isn't asleep yet I have to walk around the house like a ninja cat (shout out to Alex Fallis). When you're trying to be quiet you realize how loud things really are. For some reason the house that I am in has crazy creaky floors, stairs and furniture. You sit on a chair and it sounds like a rusted bicycle.
Also, by nature I am NOT a quiet person. I am damn loud all the time. I often have to regulate the volume of my voice. I can't help it. It's the family I come from, if you don't scream you don't talk. Basically I am the polar opposite of the parents that I am babysitting for tonight. I'm pretty sure their combined weights are about one-hundred and ninety pounds. They also have a deck of cards amount of chicken with no skin on it for dinner with a few shreds of lettuce, which after eating they remark, "Woo, I am full."
There's nothing wrong with these kind of people, I am just in awe of them.
I feel that my mere presence is too intense for them. I find my self whispering in their home and looking in their fridge to find out all they have is grapefruit juice and flatbread.
But these people are not alone in their ways. I once babysat for a couple that would eat dinner, have literally four pieces of tortellini left and save it as if that was a meal for the next day. I just want to know how they survive. Don't they ever feel the need to yell or eat an entire bowl of pasta?

I think I will do a sociological experiment where I will be smaller and quieter. I will have half a grapefruit for breakfast and ten almonds for snack. I will speak in a quiet voice, listen to Tom Waits and read a book as opposed to my blasting of GirlTalk and constant re-watching of "The Larry Sanders Show". I will wear my hair straight and flat as opposed to my just got electricuted-look I am so fond of.

Ahh, but this could never be. Just thinking of doing this exhausts me. I'm loud and messy, that's my thing and I will own it, dammit! But for tonight, while the baby is chattering away I can pretend for a little while that I am quiet, at least until I accidentally drop something on the floor (it's bound to happen so I bulid it into my day).

Thanks for reading!

Well if they can do it!