So for all you over achievers out there dig this, I am going to let you in on some super sweet and obviously incredibly easy steps on being the most lazy, sloth, mo-fo you can imagine. So sit down (which I am assume you already are doing in preparation for the lazy) and relax (the key ingredient to lazy) you are gonna get your lazy on.
STEP ONE: Move as little as possible. You're best bet is when you wake up in the morning do not move. However if you have to pee or something, chances are you are going to have to get up. You could use that cup next to your bed but then we're moving into a completely different level of lazy, so baby steps.
STEP TWO: Do you have anything to do today? Yeah, you do most likely, a lot. So the next step involves a mind over matter trick; distract, suppress and distract again.
Example: I have an assignment due on Wednesday. You tell yourself, "Well it is Saturday morning so I could just watch a couple of episodes of Gossip Girl."
Three hours later- "Woah it's 3:54, I feel like I am suppressing a memory of some sort of assignment. Oh well I guess I'll see if Chuck does love Blair."
Two hours later- "He does! Well time to start on my assignment, but watching all that t.v made me want to spend time with people, I'll start tomorrow."
A secret weapon of Step Two is to have an addictive substance in your house that can distract you for hours. Mine is terrible (But secretly amazing) television. Find your own, but nothing too active or academic. So put down that book and stare at the crack in the wall for thirty-eight minutes.
STEP THREE: Don't care. If you master this step you're not being lazy, you are lazy. Lazy is an art form and not caring is the creative fire that starts your piece of work. By not caring you are cementing your status as a true lazy.
Example: You- "I had the best day yesterday!"
Person- "What did you do?"
You- "Nothing."
Person- "You must have done something. Went for a walk, seen people."
You- "Nope."
Person- "You seem unabashedly proud of yourself."
You- "You know it!"
Now there are many small ways in your day to day life where you can add lazy in like a spice. You could constantly use spell check even though you know how to spell the word, you could skip a class that is challenging, or you could talk a lot about what you are going to do in the day but you don't actually do it. This last tip is my most favourite because it really seems like you might be doing something. So you're not only tricking yourself but you're making it seem like your an upstanding member of society to the people around you. It's a win, win!
With these steps and tips you can be lazy in no time at all.
Well this was exhausting, I'm going to sleep.
Thanks for reading!
BTW- In the spirit of lazy I didn't review my writing. How many mistakes can you find?
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