How To Review: Gossip Girl

Ok all, so I am so freaking excited to do a review for Gossip Girl.
I do understand that if a) you don't watch the show, b) you do watch the show but you're not caught up yet, or c) you've never heard of the show and you're very confused by my obsession with the show, Monday posts may become irrelevant. But fear not, I'm witty so you'll enjoy, regardless of what I write.

So being the first review I will give you a little backstory as to why I love this glorified teen soap. Two words-Chuck Bass. He is hilarious, he's hot, he wears bow ties often and he speaks in this low raspy voice while saying ridiculous things like this:
"We, don't need tickets, I'm Chuck Bass."
"I'm Chuck Bass, and I love you."
"This means war Blair. Me versus you. No limits."
And the ever popular,
"I'm Chuck Bass."
The best part is he's like nineteen and so serious. I'm pretty sure he has never laughed once.
As for the other reasons to watch the show, it's fun, the clothes are unbelievable, New York, Paris and Blair is just as hilarious as Chuck.

Tonight's episode was a goody. The past few weeks the episodes have been incredibly dull since Serena has taken up with her ex-teacher/statutory rapist (who looks like he could be her brother)

 
   

           Like siblings, no?







Plus Blair and Chuck have barely had any scenes together. This makes me realize that I don't care about any other storyline except for those two crazy kids to end up together.
But finally, near the end the episode, something dramatic occurs to Chuck and he gets drunk and keeps shouting that he wants Blair (best part!). Of course this happens in like the last two minutes of the show, which means of course I have to watch next week.

Besides the Chuck being drunk incident, my other favourite part of the show was when the Reina character tells Nate he's not as dumb as he looks to which he responds, "I get that a lot." Oh Nate, he's so slow. To get a real insight on how slow Nate really is, I reccomend looking at what I refer to as my sister blog "What in the World is Up". Blogger Mercedes does a delightful post called "Nate Thinks", that encapsulates how Nate just barely knows what's going on.
Chuck owns an empire, Blair's on a conquest for world domination, Serena gets a man out of jail and Nate plays Wii stoned. Oh Nate, when will you learn?!

The other major thing that happened on tonight's episode is Dan and Blair may have feelings for eachother, OMFG! This angers me because all this means is there is another god damn obstacle before Chuck and Blair just get together. So I will end this review with a letter to the writers of Gossip Girl:

Hey writers of Gossip Girl, what's up?
So great job with tonight's episode. That maroon coat you put Chuck in was glorious.
So I'm sort of liking the direction you're going in this season, except for the whole Juliet and Ben storyline that went on for so long that I thought I had missed an episode and became very confused. When the confusion settled I realized you guys just did a bad job writing. But I'm not here to judge, I'm here to coach. Writers, just make Chuck and Blair get together, give Serena a love interest that doesn't look like her and is more interesting than toast, and let Nate continue to go to Columbia and hopefully retain the knowledge he learns there. But still, good job tonight.
Sincerely,

                                   xoxo Classic-Al.


Thanks for reading!

Al's Views 5: How To Win

I did it. I won my Oscar pool. It was very exciting for me, less so for Mina. She was all, "Why do you get so mean?" "You're really having a competition with yourself," etc, etc. I won by two categories so not that much of a victory but good enough. Let's just say it was a Biutiful win (get it? Cause I'm going to force Mina to see Biutiful for my prize, plus I want my wooden spoon dammit!).

As for the actual show, it was ok. Half way through the night I got a little bored. James Franco wasn't used as much as I would have liked. For example he could have done an Acting with James Franco segment that he does on Funny or Die (it's very enjoyable and Dave his little bro is too cute and hilarious). He also could have expressed his love for me by dying his hair blonde and reenacting my favourite scenes from Freaks and Geeks, but I guess the Oscars does cater to a broader and less me audience.

Since I won and I feel in generous mood I am going to say nice things about the actors that won in the major categories.

Colin Firth: Umm you are the most adorable man in the world. I feel like technically you shouldn't be attractive but dammit you are. I enjoyed the clip they showed from your movie when you cried about not being able to be a king. Oh I just want to pinch you!
Natalie Portman: Oh Natalie, you're pregnant, beautiful, talented, engaged, and was in my favourite movie of the year. On top of that I'm only like thiry-five percent jealous of you because you seem like someone I would want to hang out with.
Also when I watched you in the post-show press junket, you handled the stupidest questions ever so politely. Example: Q-"Natalie are you going to name your unborn son Oscar?" R-"Actually I don't know the sex of my child, but no Oscar will probably not be the name."
Good job, I would have been super sarcastic. Plus you proove my theory that all beautiful women are named Natalie (find me an ugly Natalie, just try!).
Melissa Leo: Where do I start? Seriously, I had no idea who you were until The Fighter and even now you are unrecognizable compared to your character. I did enjoy that you said "fuck" in your acceptance speech. But also it's a shame you said "fuck", because after all your hard work as an actor and winning against all odds the Academy Award, you will always be known as the girl who said "fuck".
Christian Bale: I like that you have a cockney accent. I don't like that you look like Charles Manson. I like your work in The Fighter. I don't like how unbelievably attracted I was to you in American Psycho, it made me think long and hard about the kind of person I am.

So hurray for the winners, hurray for Hollywood, hurray for me, and it hurts me to admit this, but hurray for Anne Hathaway. I liked her hosting abilities. She was, dare I say, sincere. That and all her dresses were wicked awsome amazing.

So another Oscars (my Christmas) has come and gone, it's a little sad but I'm happy I was able to share it with you all! Have a good night.
Thanks for reading!!

I miss blonde James Franco, it was simpler times then

PS. Shout out to Elly who sat through the Oscars with me and my cat who in the end forced her to go home with an allergic reaction. There is only one real rule I adhere to in life: If Skyla sits next to you sprinkle her with water in the face until she leaves, I don't care how cute you think she is.

How To Follow Through!!

I did it! I actually said I would write every day in my blog for one month and I actually achieved this. Trust me there were plenty of opportunities to not write. In fact the last two weeks of this expeiriment I couldn't help but write each entry right before I went to bed, which I admit does not make for the best posts (See: How To Write A Post In Five Minutes, How To Cure A Headache).
Still, I powered through. But now with the Oscars happening tomorrow and everything, I think I shall continue to write every single day. If that Julie, Julia woman did it for a year and she had a real job plus was cooking multiple dishes a day, what excuse do I have? I mean it's two o'clock in the afternoon and I am still in my pajamas, blog writing is in my DNA.

So now in honour of me actually following through and doing something that I said I would I am going to start having different themes for each day of writing:
Sunday- that's already Al's Views (which is kind of redundant when you think about it).
Monday- Chuck Notes, my review on this weeks Gossip Girl. This one is purely for my enjoyment (sorry reading audience) plus it gives me a reason to watch GG on Monday nights.
Tuesday- Rehashing all the mean things the kid I babysit for has said to me over the week.
Wednesday- Free for all. Whatever's in my head happens.
Thursday- Requests.
Friday and Saturday are TBA.
Not to be forgotten I am starting a talk-show which I will also post here.

Thanks for sticking with me for this month and I hope you will continue to.
Thanks for reading!!

This is how happy you make me when you read my blog!! YEA!!

How To Be Quiet

Hey all. So I am babysitting again, apparently I am trying to break some sort of record. The baby is asleep, but not really. I can hear him talking to himself, which is really hilarious if you stop and think about it. What is he saying? He's having a pretty intense conversation with himself, probably just rehashing the days events,
"Well I woke up, ate some mush, fell asleep due to all the energy I used up during breakfast, woke up, went for a ride in the stroller, had people talk at me, discovered that I can drop things on the ground, dropped my food on the ground for half an hour, cried because I could, and now I'm lying in my crib listening to lullaby Radiohead. What a day."

So since the baby isn't asleep yet I have to walk around the house like a ninja cat (shout out to Alex Fallis). When you're trying to be quiet you realize how loud things really are. For some reason the house that I am in has crazy creaky floors, stairs and furniture. You sit on a chair and it sounds like a rusted bicycle.
Also, by nature I am NOT a quiet person. I am damn loud all the time. I often have to regulate the volume of my voice. I can't help it. It's the family I come from, if you don't scream you don't talk. Basically I am the polar opposite of the parents that I am babysitting for tonight. I'm pretty sure their combined weights are about one-hundred and ninety pounds. They also have a deck of cards amount of chicken with no skin on it for dinner with a few shreds of lettuce, which after eating they remark, "Woo, I am full."
There's nothing wrong with these kind of people, I am just in awe of them.
I feel that my mere presence is too intense for them. I find my self whispering in their home and looking in their fridge to find out all they have is grapefruit juice and flatbread.
But these people are not alone in their ways. I once babysat for a couple that would eat dinner, have literally four pieces of tortellini left and save it as if that was a meal for the next day. I just want to know how they survive. Don't they ever feel the need to yell or eat an entire bowl of pasta?

I think I will do a sociological experiment where I will be smaller and quieter. I will have half a grapefruit for breakfast and ten almonds for snack. I will speak in a quiet voice, listen to Tom Waits and read a book as opposed to my blasting of GirlTalk and constant re-watching of "The Larry Sanders Show". I will wear my hair straight and flat as opposed to my just got electricuted-look I am so fond of.

Ahh, but this could never be. Just thinking of doing this exhausts me. I'm loud and messy, that's my thing and I will own it, dammit! But for tonight, while the baby is chattering away I can pretend for a little while that I am quiet, at least until I accidentally drop something on the floor (it's bound to happen so I bulid it into my day).

Thanks for reading!

Well if they can do it!

How To Deal With Boredom

So for the past three hours I have been babysitting with nothing to do. I finally cracked the password for the wi-fi connection so I'm able to write this post on my iPod but before this discovery I had nothing to do.

Some people tend to read in a house filled with books but in my defense I tried. First I read a news paper, then I tried to read a Uta Hagen book to proove what a studious actor I am. Ten minutes later I woke up. You see when stuck in a house that is not your own it's very difficult to stay awake- even if staying awake is literally your only job description. It is a fine art babysitting at night. If you've managed to entertain yourself, you're set. You're essentially being paid to watch a movie. However if you're like me, staying awake seems to be a chore, so the entire evening is spent trying not to fall asleep, which is my definition of torture. Unfortunately I have a habit of falling asleep, a lot. Anytime I'm in a somewhat comfortable situation and I am not being spoken to directly I will fall asleep. Whenever my friend Stella comes over to watch a movie I always fall asleep. Always. The only thing that keeps me awake is knowing that Stella is staring at me. She's like my movie-watching conscience.

I wish I had a thyroid problem or something to make up for my apparent narcolepsy, but I'm in quite good health. I think if I am to blame anything it's my ADD. It's the only plausible explaination. If something is not constantly stimulating me I go to sleep, like a computer you're to lazy to turn off.

Well thank god for wi-fi because I'd be asleep in an armchair right now, and then the mom would walk in- not good.
So I guess the only way I've figured out how to cure boredom is to figure out a password so I can get on the Internet. I just became very sad.

Thanks for reading!
(and may I say I've gotten much better at the iPod blog thing, I'm learning!)

Get it.. He looks bored and is on a show called "Bored To Death". Eh!

How To Cure A Headache

Does anyone know? My head hurts, a lot and I already tried massaging it and pressing that spot in my hand. No I will not take Tylenol, that's for the weak! (and plus I don't really have any, actually I could really use some like badly) But no! It's bad for your liver.

Well in all seriousness the pain is getting worse so I'm going to cheat out of this post and make it short. I will leave you with one thought:
If you ever feel the need to truly be entertained go observe a gymnastic class for two year olds. It is the most thoroughly enjoyable thing I have ever witnessed.

Thanks for reading!

Ice does not help...Believe me

How To Get Over A Bad Day

So today I had a pretty bad night. I went to improv class and did terribly. I then went to go perform in an improv show and once again did terribly. I then had a conversation about religion with my mother and that went terribly. I could tell I had hit a nerve when she said my full name when responding to me. Nothing was going right.

I am still enduring the bad day and I need to shake it. Writing about it isn't as therapeutic as I had hoped. This bad day just makes me not want to write but I will power through.
I had some cookies but that didn't really help. I'm listening to music right now and it's helping. Actually it's helping a lot because the song my i-pod shuffled to is ironically called "Good Day" and the lyrics say, "I'm gonna have a good day cause ain't nobody gonna die today," and you know that really gives you perspective. No one died today (well that I know of. I'm sure thousands of people died today but if I get into that, shit's gonna get real) so things are looking up.
 Besides, when I really think about why I'm in a bad mood it's kind of silly. I mean improv is hard by nature and so you have an off night, it's not going to ruin my career (which now that I wrote it down makes me think that it is going to ruin my career and that I have no talent). So maybe music isn't helping the way I hoped it would.

As I am writing this, my father has walked into the room to inform me that he has eaten thirteen hundred calories today and he's quite proud. What am I supposed to do with this information, develop an eating disorder?
Wow this day has really plummeted. I think I'm going to stop typing before I get into Cathy comic territory ACK.

Well here's hoping you all had better night than me. Happy February (it's kind of an oxymoron).
Thanks for reading!

How To Say I Told You So!

So tonight I wnet to go see the new French-Canadian movie Incendies. I did not want to see this movie. I wanted to see Biutiful with Javier Bardem.

Why I Didn't Want To See Incendies:
-I had seen the play version called Scorched. I did enjoy the play but the only thing that keeps you connected to the story is the unfolding mystery of what is going on. If you know the twist there's really no need to experience the story again.
-It's very, very tragic.
-It did not star Javier Bardem.

Why I Did See Incendies:
-Mina (my frousin who I went with) did not want to see Biutiful because she heard it was sad for the sake of being sad. I then laughed and said, "Oh you wanna see something sad for the sake of sad!! Fine let's see Incendies. I will gladly go to proove you good and wrong."
-It was directed by the guy who did Polytechnique, which was wonderful and amazing.
-You can't really go wrong with French-Canadian movies, they are almost always the best movies I have ever seen (Maelstrom, The Barbarian Invasions, The Decline of the American Empire, etc).

Now Mina will say that she heard Biutiful was mellow-dramatic, but ironically Incendies is sooooooooo dramatic it makes you want to jump out a window. Near the end I wanted to walk out because I knew what was going to happen and I physically could not take it anymore. Plus whoever wrote that review of Biutiful is jealous, because Spanish movies rock. Always. On top of rocking, it was filmed in Barcelona. Double rock.

Why I Stayed:
-So at the end of the film I could turn to Mina and say, "HA!"
-I didn't pay money for it so at least I could get my free movie's worth.
-It's not such a bad movie. It has pretty scenes and good acting, so it doesn't deserve a walk-out.

Why I Should Have Walked Out:
-It was so long.
-The ending was so drawn out it made me want to throw something at the screen.
-If I walked out I would have had to shout out the twist to the audience as I was leaving, and I think that would have just bummed everyone out.

As the film ended I turned to Mina and she said, "Why did you say you wanted to see this?" and I thought, good she learned her lesson. So it was sort of worth it. And when I win the Oscar pool the two of us have had going on for five years I will laugh and laugh and force her to see a movie that stars Ashton Kutcher. It will not be enjoyable for either of us but at least I will have made a point!

What would you rather have seen?

This

Or this?

Al's Views 4

Hello. It's Sunday. It's snowing. You know what that means, flu season. This post is dedicated to my number one sugar/stage mama Anisa K, or the second A to my double A battery. She's not feeling too well all the way up there in Francais so this is a post of all the ways that I cure the common cold.

So I get sick. A LOT. Now that I am finished with the schooling aspect of my life I actually have yet to get a cold this year (knock on wood...do it!) However I did get the stomach flu twice, and I have been hung over like nobody's business this year (even only after three drinks!).
Now in my schooling life I got sick four times a year without fail. When I visualize my immune system I see it like a tiny dandlion, and the slightest wind just destoying all the tiny little cottony petals.
In theatre school we were marked on attendance (because what the hell else can they really mark you on? I went to clown school- literally) so basically they would punish you if you got sick. Man, they were jerks. Anyways, you getting sick could mean actually failing a course so here are the ways I staved off the inevitable illnesses:

-Neti Pot. Yes Oprah invented this. Yes you have to stick luke warm water up your nose but it totally works. When I got my nose pierced the nice Dutch man told me that it cut down illness in the Dutch army by ninety percent. I then laughed and said, "The Dutch have an army?" he then stabbed my nose with a sharp needle.
BTW: Make sure the water is not too cold or too hot because major ouch. Also use the the saline solution packets they give you, because replacing it with just salt with burn the motherfucking shit out of your nose.
- Boil a thimble of brandy, then add honey and chili peppers. Sip this slowly before you go to bed. It makes you fall asleep instantly and really soothes your throat. But don't do more than a shots worth because that's how you weaken your immune system, by getting drunk. This worked for me twice and then never again. It either is a placebo effect I grew out of or just different reasons for being sick.
-Prayer. Yes, like the common birth control plan, prayer is something I have definitely resorted to. I remember in second year having a major assignement due the next day and lying in my bed saying over and over, "You are healthy. You can breathe out of your nose. You feel amazing." It worked for the morning the next day, but then I had to go home in the afternoon because I ran a very high fever. Still positive thinking never hurts!
-Garlic Tea. It's exactly what you think it is, an entire clove of garlic in hot water. This worked well for me until it made me vomit. I also stank like garlic, so I had even more incentive to want to run home. Well at least I was sick and no one came near me. Side note: garlic is as strong as a regualr antibiotic. The more you know!
-Just stay home. It is so annoying that people expect you to show up when you feel like shit. Like why? You don't like going into work sick, why do you want to see others do the same? If you sleep for a solid day and night, all these home remedies are made moo point (a cow's opinion, it just doesn't matter. Shout out to Joey Tribiani!)

Hope these were helpful and to all my readers (if you exist) feel better (especially my little Anisa!!! Miss you let's skype<3)
Thanks for reading!

What does your immune system look like?

How To Write A Post In Five Minutes

That's right. I have combined both my How To Be Late post with my How To Be Lazy. It's only natural. They were destined to meet.

Some hints on how to get the most for your money while trying to write a post in a super fast way is to not stop writitng. Basically anything that pops into your head, you write.

Watermelon. I miss watermelon. I guess it's not appropriate to eat watermelon in the winter months. It's not in season. But if we were to eat everything in season all we would have is frozen dirt. And the zucchini plant in my backyard that never stops growing. It's the vegetable version of a postman. When the atomic bomb comes all that will be left are the roaches and that zucchini plant, that no one in my family planted.

This summer I tried to get into gardening. I got my overalls on and my crocs, went into the front yard and thought I'd start by pulling out weeds. Three hours later, after discovering most of my front yard had been turned into sand by what I can only imagine zillions of ants, I quit and never went back. Literally. The gardening tools I used are still down there.

My eyes burn. I'm too young for cataracts but sometimes I think it's possible. Well actually, I'm not exactly sure what cataracts are but alls I knows is my sight has gotten worse and my eyes burn like I've been writing for hours (When in actuality it's been four minutes and ten seconds). I learned the word cataracts from a monologue I studied last year. I also learned about the ailment gout from a monologue I studied in grade nine. If I keep studying monologues maybe one day I'll be a real live doctor!

Well this has been five minutes. Thanks for reading!

Yum!

How To Be Creeped Out

I'm babysitting right now and the kid's asleep so I am watching, Whatever Happened To Baby Jane. Oh my god this is the creepiest movie I've ever seen and it's only been ten minutes. The movie opens with a little girl singing this song called "I've Written a Letter to Daddy," and the way she sings it makes me want to crawl out of my skin. But now that I think about it so, so many things creep me out. More than the average person.

Things That Creep Me Out
-The kind of animation that is used in that children's movie, The Last Unicorn.
-Anything that is any kind of anime. Even the good kind like Spirited Away.
-Children's beauty pageants. Ewww. Why would anyone want their kid to look like that?
-Religious paintings, iconography, posters books, etc. Basically anything that is remotely religious has    always frightened me. It could have been because I saw a clip of The Exorcist at waaaay too young an age. The explanation could also come from when I was ten I went to Italy and we stayed in a convent for the first week of our vacation. In the room where we slept, there was a picture of Jesus, crying puss (I swear!) with a crown of thorns on, and at nighttime it glowed, NO LIE! (Even trying to find a picture for the link was treacherous.)
-All bugs. Even lady bugs and ants.
-All music that sounds like this. Obviously it's because of The Shining but originally there's no way the person who wrote that song thought they were making an excellent mood setting for the end of one of the scariest movies ever.
- Every so often when I am watching T.V, the cable resets. In order to reset, the T.V turns off without warning and where the time is on the cable box it reads instead, "boot." It freaks me out every time. The first time it ever did that it was late at night, and I had just watched The Ring. I ran upstairs screaming.
- Crispin Glover. When he starred in that movie Willard I was scared to watch commercials because I thought the trailer might be on. Also, once I saw him on Conan, and he said he collected old timey surgical tools. WHY!??!?!
-Staying on Stumble Upon for too long. After twenty minutes, it gets weird.

Maybe writing this post will be cathartic. In reality I am alone in a strange house with a mind full of the things that give me the willies. So that's just great.
Have a nice night!

Thanks for reading!

How To Be Late

Hi again. Writing from my i-pod again, which I think I've gotten better at but I do not want to speak too soon.
I'm writing a post today that is near and dear to my heart, being late. Now I'm not going to blame society like I do most things (lack of spelling ability, my Anderson Cooper thing) I will blame my upbringing, slightly because my father is perpetually late. Anytime we have to go anywhere he decides five minutes before we leave he just has to take out the garbage, do the dishes and sweep the floor. It's like clockwork.
Anyhow, I have mastered being late. It goes hand in hand with my laziness. As I write this post I am taking the streetcar to work where I will for sure be five minutes late. But if you looking to be late like me (often) then you have to learn how to live like me. I take forever to do simple tasks.

Some examples are:
-Take an hour to decide what to wear, even when you're in a rush.
-Eat breakfast for two hours (it Is the most important meal of the day)
-Make a playlist before you do anything (that way you get lost in the music and your schedule)
-Decide that you have to write in a blog every day (oh boy does this waste time)

Well must get to work now hope these little guidelines help!

Oh and I'm aware that this is very similar to How To Miss a Deadline, but I'm running late what do you expect.

How To Impress People

Hi all.
So today I was making dinner for the kid I take care of and his two friends (who are twins, it's weird). I usually really like making dinner because I feel very confident and creative in the kitchen.

Today, I accidentally forgot to pick up the store-bought garlic bread for the kiddies, so I decided to make it myself. I roasted the garlic in the oven, buttered the bread, then spread the softened garlic on the bread, sprinkled cheese and salt and put it in the oven for a couple of minutes. As it was all being prepared, in my mind I was all like, oh I'm so inventive, the kids will be surprised and delighted. Then I served the meal.
The kids looked at the bread and were like,
"You put cheese on it?"
And I'm like, "Yeah, that's garlic bread."
And they're like, "Cheese changes the whole taste of it."
And I'm like, "No it makes the taste of it."
Then one kid said, "I don't eat regular bread just garlic bread."
And I said, "This is garlic bread!"
And then he says, "No, store bought only."

This was all very upsetting to me. I mean I took time and effort into making this bread (which was left uneaten) and no one cared. I need to know, what does it take to impress these people? Blood, sweat and tears literally! It also makes me question my cooking abilities. The last three meals I cooked at the kid's house were not well received.

The reviews were as followed:
Pasta and bolognese sauce- "Um I just want butter on my pasta", "Me too", and "It would be good if it didn't have tomatoes or meat in it".
Pizza with homemade sauce and dough- "Um no offence, but you're pizza was disgusting and no one ate it".

But at the same time I can't take it too personally, because for dessert they had cotton candy ice cream which actually tastes what it would be like to be poisoned. Also one of the kids put so much salt on his pasta that it burned your tongue, but he ate it up.

I guess the lesson here is don't try. Next meal I'll make them will be a baguette cut open with butter and salt dumped on it. It's like being in a gourmet restaurant!

Thanks for reading!

I bet they'd eat this

How To Dance

Ok so I was having a conversation with my friend Ben talking about semi-formals and proms. Our first topic of conversation was how the same songs were played at every semi and they are as follows:

Turn Me On- Kevin Lyttle

Murder She Wrote- Chaka Demus

Twice My Age- Shabba Ranks ft Crystal

Like every semi! I feel like these songs were written thirty years ago, at least, and so they just play them at every dance ever. Even when I was in Barcelona they played two out of the three. It was very exciting.

The second part of our conversation was that dancing is weird. I don't share this view. I love to dance. Choreographed or otherwise dancing's fun. Ben on the other hand had a very strong viewpoint. His point is made in this following video:

(Sorry for the lighting it's dark and orange in my basement for some reason.)

I mean he does make sense. It is strange that when we hear music we automatically start to move our bodies. And the fact that we all decide to go to a place, pay money, and blast music is also kind of weird. But I think anything is weird if you really think about it. Like a horse falling (wait that's Ben's thing again).

Ok I was lazy I essentially had a conversation with Ben and then made it my post... But in the spirit of borrowing friend's ideas, here's a how-to on: 

How To Make Tulips Last And Stand Up Straight

1. put a penny in the water - it keeps the water crystal clear! no murkiness!!!

2. you must put a pin through all the stems horizontally just before the bud...it makes the tulips grow really straight and really slow! so cool...but it seems like torture. anyways im tyring it out and it works!

Thanks to Krystyna Kongats (Double K!) and her Grandmother. 

Thanks for reading! 

How To Write A Post On An i-Pod Touch

Ok so this is going to take forever. Texting is hard enough for me (whenever I see anyone on Gossip Girl text a five sentence message in five seconds I think HOW!) but now transfer that to a full web page and we're talking hours.

On this sentence alone I've had to correct what I was writing twenty-seven times. The reason I'm using my pod is because I'm coat checking again on what is supposedly the most romantic night of the year. I have to say however, that Saturday night's crowd was way more romantic. This crowd seems a little dull, forced if you will.

Personally I like Valentine's Day. It reminds me of kindergarten and who didn't love kindergarten. You learned to read and write numbers; if you were anything like me you played house. House rocked, what with it's fake food an all. I loved the fake pots and pans, they cooked the best food.

Well this is going to be a shorty because I have twenty percent battery. I hope you understand this post took fifty eight minutes.

Thanks for reading!

Enjoy this website because I don't know how to add a picture.

Al's Views 3

Hello and welcome to a Grammy themed edition of Al's Views.

So I just finished watching the Grammys. They were good. I missed Lady Gaga's performance and that was really the only reason why I wanted to see them. But yeah, still good. However some singers that I know can sing sang flat like Bruno Mars and Justin Bieber (I'm a belieber!). I don't know why, was it too loud to hear? The same thing happened to Taylor Swift last year. Maybe the Grammy stage makes you flat if you are a successful performer under the age of twenty.

Some group called Lady Antebellum won a lot (I am apparently the only person in the world that does not know who they are. Once I was in the car with my sisters and one of their songs came on and both Sam and Vanessa knew all the words. How did this pass by me? I love the country pop!). They won everything, except for album of the year. That doesn't really make sense to me. I mean, if they have the best record, the best song, the best single, why wouldn't they have the best album? Isn't the best song on the best album? It just don't make no sense.

Drake didn't win and that made me sad. I like Drake. He tried to get into a semi-formal I was at in grade eleven and Oakwood didn't let him. Plus he makes me feel like I know hip-hop, when I really have no idea about any kind of music. Basically if it is in a t.v show or film I know the song. Other than those two mediums, I need people to physically force me to listen to a song for me to discover it. Except for Elton John. Elton just sort of happened in grade eight. But wait, now that I think about it Elton John was on the Moulin Rouge soundtrack. Never mind. He' still DA BEST!

I need a music intervention. Thank god for 8tracks.com or else I would be listening to Lady Antebellum's single from 2010, and that's lame man.
Side Note: I do love 8tracks but it's hipsterness is starting to get out of control. Tonight I heard a hipster version of Daft Punk's "Digital Love" and I thought, isn't Daft Punk hipster enough? However I did like what they did in Tron.
Side Note: How freaking hideous does Michael Sheen look in Tron. Terrifying. I have to refer back to my previous post of Michael Sheen what is up with you? Kate Beckinsale and Rachel McAdams! You look like an uncomfortable uncle.

Anyways even though I am more invested in the Oscars I really like the Grammy's. I learn from it and you don't always get that in an awards show.

Now enjoy the smooth sounds of a new artist (to me) Lady Antebellum (They're country, yea!)
Thanks for reading!

How To Coat Check

Hey all.
So tonight I am doing a job that I haven't done since I was seventeen. I am coat checking. I'm a little depressed considering it's been five years and you'd think I'd have a better way of making money by now, but I definitely do not.

Now in the past I found this job not only very boring but strangely stressful. The restaurant that I coat check at does not have a method of doing it. It is purely, "Here's tickets, I don't think they all match. Figure it out." So for the first half hour you're there trying to see if numbers match, this is where the boredom sets in.
However, as you're trying to do an amazing organizing job of the tickets, patrons start to come in- this is where the stress sets in.
Because you are the first person they see in this restaurant, the people automatically think you're the hostess and that you have the power to seat them and or know why things are taking so long. They like to get angry with you and then be super sweet to whoever is managing that night (I assume the anger does carry over to the servers. Side Note: Um why do people torture their waiting staff? Like if you're at a restaurant just be patient, your food is being cooked and served to you. It's a pretty amazing thing.)
They also like to give you drink orders. The first time I coat checked I was sixteen, definitely did not have my smart serve and did not know the names of drinks. A man came up to me and asked if I could get him a Glenlivet. By the time I got up to the bar I was like, "Ahhh, this guy wants a Jerry Level I think." Then the bartender looked and me and was like, 'No, he definitely does not."
I guess I'm just not restaurant folk because I get so tired too easily and I show it. Near the end of my coat checking stint, I would have more than one person come up to me and ask if I was alright. I wasn't.

But coat checking is definitely not always a bad thing. Sometimes you make a unnecessary amount of cash. One night I was coat checking and the people at the table were super drunk and one of the guys comes up to me and hands me a twenty explaining it's for the whole table. Then a second guy from the party comes up to me and hands me a twenty saying it's for the whole table. Then a third guy, same party, hands me forty dollars and says thanks for my trouble. That was a magic night.
Sadly, the same evening a sixty-year old man tried to kiss me on the mouth, but you know you take the good with the bad.

So maybe I'm not a restaurant person, but I guess I'll try tonight. Wish me luck.

Thanks for reading!

I've checked all of these

How To Win A Bet

So as a kid I would regularly have bets with people. The first bet I ever had was in kindergarten. For some reason I truly believed the moon was navy blue and my friend Dean kept trying to tell me it was a yellow colour. I so truly believed that the moon was navy blue that I got my friends Nakita and Rocco on my side. Dean got Joseph on his side, but that didn't count because Dean and Joseph were always on eachother's side. Eventually we asked Mrs. Suriano what colour the moon was and she was like, "It's cream!"

This failure I experienced did not sour me on the whole betting concept. Throughout grade school I made bets on everything, from word pronuncitations to why someone did not show to school.
I loved a good bet and it really brought the ugly out of me. I was mean, competitive and obnoxious- a tradition I still carry on today with my Oscar pool.

For the last five years I have had a pretty intense Oscar pool with my frousin (cousin/friend- patent pending!) Mina. At first I would guess the winners according to my heart but now it is a science. I make sure I know everything about the movies and I withhold information from Mina while we choose our various picks. I won't go into specifics but last year Mina chose Avatar for Best Picture, when it was so clearly going to be The Hurt Locker- but I didn't say a word. And this year is no different. It's not only the fifth anniversary of our little bet but it's the tie breaker so shit's about to get real. Not only are we doing our usual loser buys dinner and a movie for the winner (we're very romantic apparently) but in celebration of the five we're going traditional and buying something either in silverware or wood for one another (so the modern/traditional etiquette dictates). I am so going to win. I already know that I want a wicked wooden spoon that I will eat my entire victory dinner with whether or not it is a spoon appropriate meal.

Since this is a "How To" I guess I will get to the how point of this post. How to win a bet, well there are many factors. If you place bets with anyone under the age of eleven it's fairly easy to cheat so I suggest doing that (Stupid kids). Anyone older, hard work. Like anything else know what you're talking about and who you're talking to. And always have a sense of humour about it. It's not fun and frankly weird if you get super intense on your adversary (except for Mina, there's something about her face, I don't know).

Anyways, the number one rule is have fun, and maybe bet some money. I have yet to do a bet like that but apparently they're the most popular kind.
Have a great Friday night. I hear the moon's going to be a beautiful aqua-marine tonight.

Thanks for reading!

How To Blog When You Don't Wanna

Ok, so today I was watching a bad Katherine Heigl romantic comedy (better than 27 Dresses way, way worse than Knocked Up) and it had your stereotypical sexist boringness.
The girl was a baker the guy worked in sports. The girl was tightly wound and clothing obsessed, the guy was a carefree slut. Yet at the beginning of the movie when Heigl goes on a bad date the guy says, "Don't worry you can get over this easily, bake something, you probably blog don't you? Blog about me"
Then I started thinking oh my god, they wrote that line because a stereotypical, modern single woman blogs. Then I thought, am I a cliche? Then I felt strange that a badly written rom-com had this power over me. Then I thought hmmm maybe romantic-comedies aren't as fake as you think they are. Maybe rom-com movie characters are stereotypical because maybe we as real people are stereotypical. Then the scene changed and the two characters who hate each other magically have to raise a kid together and then they fall in love. Ok so not realistic but I don't like to think that I'm writing this blog because I am a stock rom-com character.
I am an individual! An individual who does not know what to write anymore today. I'm not in a bloggin' mood. So thanks for reading though I do not deserve it today. Tomorrow I will bring the goods fo sho. But it just doesn't seem to be happening today.

You don't know me!

Thanks for reading!

How To Make It Work

So I've been watching Project Runway this week and I've decided Tim Gunn is my guru. I've never admired a man more on a reality show then Mr. Gunn. His hillarious voice, his wicked plaid neck ties, and his overall sense of calm are just wonderful. However, the best part about him are his catch phrases "Make it work"and "This worries me". Every time Tim says to a confused, budding clothing designer either of these sentences, both the viewer and designer feel like their life has been changed.
I truly feel these two sentences can be applied to any situation at any point in your life. I will now channel Tim Gunn and all of his wisdom and answer some pressing life issues.

Examples of how "Make it work" can be used in day to day life.

You have a long day at work, but you have an important event directly after. Plus it's February and you need to look good. There are so many things that are a contradiciton in this situation. First of all footwear- do you sacrifice being warm to wear your nice riding boots so you look decent at night or do you wear you giant hid boots be warm, but look and feel out of place at night?
"Make it work!" Grab your big bag and keep your warm boots on until the party. Bring a plastic bag in case of snow.
That was easy.

Second problem, you're tired and don't have the energy to go out.
"Make it work!" Have you tried sucking it up or in case of emergency, cocaine? Apparently you can stay up all night as long as you do it in twenty minute intervals. But I guess your best bet at staying up all night is crystal meth. That stuff lasts aaaaaaallllllllllll night long.
Check that  one off your list.

Third inquiry, I'm socially awkward.
"Make it work!" Well if you're already on the cocaine I got news for you, you won't stop being able to talk. You can just go on and on and on and on about anything. Compliment someone on the fabric of their pants and that conversation can literally last thirty two minutes.
Wow, I feel the spirit of Tim Gunn is truly upon me.

Examples of how "This worries me" can be used in day to day life.

Problem number one, you have a cocaine problem.
"This worries me." Having never dealt with addiction directly I assume once you run out of money you can't get the drugs so ipso facto you're cured! Just spend all your money on the coke.
Worry no more.

Problem two, you've lost your job due to all the recent partying you've been doing.
"This worries me." Partying is overrated, read a book or better yet become a recluse. No one will invite you to stuff if you start becoming all introverted or eccentric, believe me. Pull a Howard Hughes and save your pee in a jar, you never know when you might need it.
Solved!

Problem three, you need a job.
"This worries me." You've been partying a lot right? Well now it's time to call upon some favours and ask one of those people for an interview. After all most carrers are all about connections.
There, and before you know it you could be a MOVIE STAR!

Thanks Tim Gunn for giving me laughter, warmth and the ability to inspire and help others, you are truly my hero!

Look at him, I just love this man!

Side note that has almost nothing to do with this post.
Today the jerk kid I take care of was talking about how he was going to have a sleepover with lots of coke. I then said, "I've had a sleep over with lot's of coke too." I chuckled to myself. Then I felt sad.

How To Flirt

Hey. Ok, so sorry I'm late again, but technically I'm awake so it still counts as the same day whether it is past twelve or not. Blog-o-rama continues!

Anyways, tonight I met a guy that I thought was very cute. We were at a bar and he asked my table who wanted to play pool. I thought that this was the perfect way to get to know him so I was all like, "Me, I'll play pool!" So I got up from my chair and the chair fell backwards. This was the first sign. I then proceeded to play pool with him, the girl he was actually interested in, and me- who has only played pool once and was BAD at it. I'm not sort of bad at pool, I'm terrifyingly bad. I naturally have hideous hand eye co-ordination, I can barely hold a pencil, so an entire pool cue is like a lesson in stupidity. I never hit the ball once, and when I got the white ball in the pocket thingy by accidentally grazing it, I was like, "What number is the white ball? And the guy says, "Number? That's the white ball!" Needless to say it was a mistake. I thought I'd get up there and be all, "Oh I'm not too good at this, could you help me?" And he'd say, "Yes." And we'd fall in love. It's that simple.

Sadly this is not the first time I've made a jackass of myself to get a guys attention. It's actually quite frequent. I will now list the ways in which I have mastered the art of flirting. Follow with discretion.

In grade nine my house had a fire. Of course that was the day I decided to wear a robe (with nothing underneath) all day long. A few hours after the fire, I decided to go look for my cat. Since I had no clothes I was wearing my neighbour's sweats that were five sizes too large and fingerless gloves (to complete the hobo-ensmeble). So I'm walking down the street, looking nuts, screaming, "Skyla, Skyla!" When who should pass by but my crush looking super cute in his baseball uniform. I was mortified!
SIDE NOTE: I had to end the story with mortified, because the more I write this down the more it sounds like it could be in YM or Seventeen Magazine. All that's missing is if that day also happened to be the day of my first period.

I have spat on guys accidentally while trying to flirt or at the very least seem attractive. One time ice actually fell out of my mouth.

I went to kiss a guy sitting on his bed and I took him off guard so he fell and hit his head, badly.

One night I was at a party and was having a really good conversation with this guy. He asked if I wanted to go to his apartment and I was like sure. We get to his apartment and it is covered with posters of The Joker from Batman. Like covered with every kind of Joker imaginable. The Jack Nicholson one, Heath Ledger, the cartoon, even pictures of him dressed as The Joker; it was terrifying. I then said, "Oh, do you like The Joker? To which he responded, "No, LOVE The Joker." I then said, "You know who I like, Two-Face." He then went silent. Half an hour later he asked if I wanted to sleep on the couch or get a cab.

This summer I babysat across the street from the hottest construction worker I have ever seen. Everyday I would bike past him. One day I was staring at him so intensely I crashed my bike into the pile of rubble he was shoveling onto the sidewalk. He asked if I was ok, and I said these exact words to him, "AWKWWFBW, uh yeah, sorry heh, good job." Good job? Why those words came out of my mouth in that order I will never know.

One day I will be the smooth girl with the witty banter, hair tossing abilities and eye lash batting. One day. Until then, I  guess I will be the girl that spits and has a thing for guys who have a thing for The Joker.

Thanks for reading!

I'm flirting with you, can you tell?

How To Look At Pictures Of A Vacation You Weren't On

Hello all.

So my parental units (remember that from Bring It On)? just came back from Cuba. Which was sincerely as much of a vacation for me as it was for them.
I ever so enjoyed them not being here for two weeks. Well at first I didn't really like being alone, and often I would tell Vanessa that I want a husband so I never have to stay alone in a house again.
But by the third day I was loving it. I could sleep in forever, the mess that was made was only mine so it was in specific easy-to-clean places in the house, I ate when I wanted to (instead of the usual force/guilt feed my mother loves to do), and best of all I could leave the house without being asked a few thousand times- "Where are you going? When will you be back? Should I make dinner for you?"
Now that I've written this all time I kind of feel bad, because it just seems that my mom (and apparently not my dad) just wants to know information about my day-to-day life and that's not such a negative thing... I guess.

But now they're back and they have pictures. But because we live in 2011 ma and pa can't just get them developed and deal with them themselves. Instead, I have to load it on the computer and then email the pics to every single one of their friends. This seriously cuts into my selfish time that I so enjoyed when they weren't here. Selfish time is the best. It's full or reading magazines, giving yourself pedicures and naps. But now I have to spend at least twenty minutes emailing pictures of upside down palm trees and my dad wearing a straw hat with his bulky "University of Roma" sweater (I've given up trying to justify the way he dresses).
But I'll do it. Because I live at home. So it's my punishment for not being independently wealthy. But boy if I was was independently wealthy, selfish time would just be know as time. And that's my ideal vacation.

You and I weren't here

Al's Views 2

Hello all and welcome to another edition of Al's Views.

Tomorrow I am taking my headshots and I am having serious issues with deciding what to wear. Well actually, I haven't even opened my closet because my closet is a disaster. So if I open my closet to start the decision of what to wear I will inevitably have to clean my closet. But I can't clean my closet because if I clean my closet I'll have to add a bar at the top of the closet because I want to start to hang my clothes. So if I add a bar that means I have to measure my closet, go to a hardware store, buy a bar, install the bar AND then start to clean my closet. Oh my god, I'm exhausted just thinking about it. So instead of actually choosing the clothes that I own (somewhere in my room that I dare not mention) I have been looking in Marie Claire and NYLON magazines, and have been playing my favourite game of what would I wear if I could wear something from the magazine.

NYLON's offering (Fig. 1):

So I guess if I wanted to look super trendy (trendy being ironically not trendy) I should paint a fox on one of my Nonna's sweaters.

{SIDE NOTE- I love my Nonna and miss her so much, but what she has left me are three of the greatest sweaters I have ever owned (Fig.2). You can't really tell by that picture, but the sweater is black with electric blue houndstoothish print. I love it!}

But I guess if I were to follow the NYLON trend the casting agents would be too distracted by the fact that there is both my face and a fox's face in the picture and that's just asking not to be hired. So no to NYLON. Oh and I love how serious the Olsen twins are about fashion. Almost as serious as they are about pizza, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6DA_WwO90c. (Special thanks to Stella Melchiori for showing me this.)

Marie Claire's offering (Fig 3):

Ok, so this magazine clearly wins. I enjoy everything about this photo. Starting with the model. Clemence Poesy was so delightful in Gossip Girl and 127 Hours. Plus she has the uncanny ability of being really beautiful, modelly, perfect-looking but I don't feel any jealousy. It helps that she was born in '82 (but I swear to god if she was born in '88!). Anyways the look is flawless- sweet hair, cool jacket, the mixing of prints, high waisted jeans; I am all about this photo.

Conclusion:

So I guess I haven't come any closer to figuring out what I'm going to wear tomorrow. I have come closer to the fact that I have a magazine buying addiction and I need to start limiting myself to like three a month... or four... one or two magazines a week, but that's it!

Thanks for reading!
                                            

Fig. 2

Fig. 1

                                                                                                            

Fig. 3

PS. Please excuse Fig.3 for not being exactly in the middle. It took me half an hour just to get the pictures in that order so I'm not touching anything, unless I touch the computer by throwing it out the window.

PPS. Sam, no worries I am treating your laptop with the utmost respect.

How To Stay In

  Hello.

So it's Saturday night. I'm in my twenties. I should be going out. However going out is seriously overrated in Toronto in February, so here's a few helpful tips on how to stay in like a pro.

First off, try to forget where you have put your cell phone. If you're like me it's usually in yesterdays pants or on it's way to being destroyed by the washing machine because you've thrown it in the dirty clothes. Now that your cell is missing you won't feel obligated to answer it and be given incentive to go out.

Now what are you wearing? Jeans, take them off. Get into the loosest fitting pants you can possibly find. My dad has issues with waist bands, so almost all the pyjama pants in my house have been cut at the waist. You should do the same. I'm also always cold so staying in means bundling up. A big sweater with a scarf is both warm and as my NYLON magazine tells me trendy! Basically, your wardrobe should look like my father's daily uniform:

He really does wear this everyday, everywhere

You can choose to accessorize with a baseball cap if you must but it's not necessary.

Also take a cue from Marcello in this photo and eat, eat, eat. You're already not going out so you've basically given up. I've recently found out I'm allergic to all things delicious, however if I had my pick of munchies nothings more of a classic than Miss Vickie's Sweet Chili and Sour Cream.

Finally, what are you going to do to entertain yourself? Classy people tend to read, listen to music and have a nice glass of wine. My top choice of staying in fun, is marathoning Gossip Girl and then discussing the characters like they are people I actually know.

Here are some conversation starters:

Chuck and Blair- our generations Carrie and Big?
Why is Nate so boring? Like soooo boring.
If I had Serena's money and style what would I wear? Where would I go?
Dan's changed. Is it for better or worse?
Will you marry me Chuck Bass?

So tonight instead of trying to do something, try not to do something (you get what I mean).
So sit back relax and stay in. It's snowing, do you really want to go through the hassle of finding footwear that's nice and will keep you warm? Couldn't think of anything, could you?
Staying in- the new going out!

Thanks for reading.

How To Like Music

Hey.
So I was talking with my main ladies, Anisa and Krystyna, about what I should write about and at the same time we're talking about music and how some songs creep up on you, sort of like an infection. Ok so let me explain what I mean. Do you ever listen to a song and you're like I don't really like it at all but then you hear it enough times and you sort of give in to it. I can't tell if this means the song is good and I just need to give it a chance, or it's complete crap and the media had just over-saturated my brain. A prime example of this is Lady Gaga. I really love her now, but the first time I heard "Bad Romance" I didn't like it. The fifth time I heard it, I couldn't get enough of it. What does this mean?  Is it that she's a musical genius and my sensibilities needed time to catch up? Or am I exactly the demographic the music industry is focusing on and my little brain can't compete? Makes you think. I will now list all the songs (I can remember) that I now love but didn't at first.

Telephone- Gaga (That "Central Station" Beyonce part is FA-IERCE! Plus I like the sound under the main vocals of the chorus that says, "Tonight I am dancing. I cannot take your call, tonight I am dancing". It's funny)
What's My Name- RiRi (You got to love the purple manicure she's rocking in the video)
Bad Romance- Gaga
Paparazzi- Gaga (This one doesn't really count because I only like the piano version. The dance mix is poo)
The Only Living Girl In The World- RiRi
Forever- Drake, Eminem, etc
Teenage Dream- Katy Perry (I really, really dislike Katy Perry, but this song won me over after I found out it was about Russell Brand- he's my teenage dream, in a creepy wouldn't allow my teenage daughter to watch his stand-up kind of way)
Sunday Morning- Maroon 5 (Yes I once liked Maroon 5. In fact in grade 10 when it was my birthday my friends decorated my locker and put a picture of Adam Levine and that made me happy)

Wow, after stacking all the songs up like this I think it's pretty blatant that the media is very, very powerful and I have been duped big time. Oh well I could get into the psychology of this whole thing- after all I did get a 90% in beginners psychology at Humber College (which translated to UofT is like a 40%, if they would even recognize what I learned was in fact psychology). But I must get ready to go out and quite frankly I am seriously in the mood for blasting some Lady Gaga. So I'll catch y'all later cause tonight I am dancing, I cannot take no calls because tonight I am dancing.

Thanks for reading.
Classic-Al!

See he's kind of cute in a douche baggish way

How To Say I Love You

So right now I'm watching Love and Other Drugs for the second time. But in my defense my friend Elly's over and she hasn't seen it, it was four dollars, and Jake Gyllaanhaal is a super fox (however it does have lines like, "My friend's Thai and I'm Thai curious." Plus that and Anne Hathaway looks like a rabbit). Anyways, there's this one part in the movie where Jake has issues saying I love you. In fact, he has such issue that he has a panic attack. It seems like a stupid part of a stupid movie but something hit home for me. I too cannot say I love you. I never say it, like ever. Even when I'm talking to like my mom on the phone and she says, "bye, I love you", I'm always like, "Uh ok uh-huh sure bye." I mean it's my mom I know that I love her, I just can't say it.

Now there was a rumour floating around theatre school (that I started and my friend Nora can vouch for) that I may be dead inside. Not that I don’t have a soul or anything (which many of you may think I don’t have one after the whole cat cooler story) but I just don’t emote in the way that people, especially women, do. While I matriculated to theatre school (like that word usage, eh?) everyone cried once, because I don’t know why, I guess people go through emotional turmoil and we were there all the damn time so it was bound to happen. But not me, nope not ever. Ok, I did cry once but that was when I had woken up at three in the morning and couldn’t get back to sleep, so by ten AM I cried due to sheer exhaustion (I may be soulless but I’m not a robot).  Anyways, so I can’t say I love you and I can’t cry, I feel like there’s some sort of relation. 

Sadly I can say I love you to fictional people/celebrities all the time. Here is a list of all the people I can easily say I love you to: Matthew Perry, Chuck Bass, Jon Stewart, Alec Baldwin, Judd Apatow, James Franco, Barack Obama, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Chuck Bass, Hugh Grant, Ker Wells (shhh, keep this one a secret!), Blake Lively’s clothing, Colin Firth, Ewan McGregor, the dad and gay couple in Modern Family, Conan O’Brien Michael Buble, Russell Brand, Zach Braff and Chuck Bass.

Ohhh, I have a problem, I’m supposed to explain a “How To” on how to say I love you, yet I cannot. I guess I can do baby steps so like the next time someone says it to me maybe, possibly I will say it back…ok fine I will for sure say it back. Maybe I might say it first… no I can’t, I can’t it has to be slower. Ok so that's the plan. Whoever is the first person to say I love you to me I will definitely say it back. No pausing or nothin'!

So thanks for reading and I l…ll…l.o…..love y…y..yo…yyo…you all. Yay I did it. Sort of. 

 Thanks for reading!

                    I truly believe Anne Hathaway looks like this breed of rabbit

I

 

How To Do An Improv Scene

Hello.

As some of you may know I've been taking classes at The Second City for improv. My new session started a couple of weeks ago and I am not loving it.  This not loving it sucks because usually I’m all about my acting classes. I even look forward to them, but this session for some reason, my class has decided to band together and at some point in every scene a guy calls a girl a whore, bitch or slut.

Now, I don’t think I’m a prude and everyone knows that comedy is not politically correct and I am not asking it to be; but this is not cool and worst of all it’s not funny. What I am asking of the scenes is humour. Until one of the guys in my class stands up and does a scene where I am legitimately laughing because of the cleverness of what is being said and not because of how horribly uncomfortable I am, they are not allowed to go to the “whore” place for a laugh. And why is calling a girl a bitch, whore, etc. a life preserver for more than one guy in my class? All I can say is being someone who has been doing improv for a few years now, I have never been in the middle of a scene and out of nowhere called a guy a dick, whore, bastard (which is why I assume the guys think using these words are funny because it has nothing to do with the scene).

I know I’m being preachy but I don’t think it’s too much to ask. I need to know am I being a prude or should I say something next week when someone calls a girl a whore? (and believe me it will happen)

You see my main issue is the boys never refer to any of the other boys in the scenes as these words. I guess it should be either everyone’s being called bitches or no one. 

But in the end just do a scene that’s funny and entertains the audience. Damn pricks.

                             SIDE NOTE THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS POST:

Yay! I understand why you're in Instyle now!

A few months ago I wrote a post wondering about the mystery of Michael Sheen. In the post I also wondered why Emmy Rossum was always in magazines being known as an actor. Well I wonder no more. Emmy's in a new Showtime show called Shamelss and she's acting and everything. I can now cross that off the list of "huh?". However, Michael I am still waiting to know what's the what, so c'mon let me know.