How To Host A Talk Show

It's Monday morning, I am no longer in school, and I am watching "The View." From the outside eye it seems that I have given up on life, and I would agree with you. However on this particular episode, the mean Republican one, Elisabeth Hasselbeck is saying such gold and it needs to be recorded.

The first topic the ladies were discussing was Miley Cyrus. Ok, I don’t watch “The View” that often, I’ve actually never made it through an entire episode, but these women talk A LOT about Miley Cyrus. Anyways, I tuned in when Elisabeth was saying this,

“Hannah Montana is a really hard show to watch, it’s so confusing, like is she Miley or is she Hannah?”

So Elisabeth, much like the eight year olds who watch the show, has finally figured out what the elusive Hannah Montana is really all about.

Even with the Miley/Hannah statement, I was willing to continue to watch “The View” while my life slipped away, when the topic changed. The women had moved onto Bristol Palin (Again! It’s official, the only “views” on this show are on Mylie Cyrus, the Palins and Elisabeth being offended.) They were speaking about how Bristol wasn’t allowed to speak at a Plan Parenthood conference because she didn’t have a PhD or whatever. The hosts then stated, who better to learn from then from someone who has been through it, like the movie “Scared Straight.” Then Elisabeth said this,

“I remember being in college and a girl told us this story where she got crazy drunk woke up the next morning raped by the cab driver and stuck somewhere in Boston. And you know what? [I thought] I’m going to try really hard not to do that. You know, I might have come close a couple of times though.”

Elisabeth, why are you there? It’s bad enough you got Rosie O’Donnell fired off that show (who is the greatest talk show host ever!) But you don’t really have a point of view. You sort of just say things that are frightening, nonsensical and misinformed. The worst part about this is that these women are supposed to display the thoughts, fears and attitudes of women in North America.

Oh my god. At best these women remind me of how I believe male waiters view groups of women in restaurants.

“Heeey ladies. Oooh, girls night out? Oh you bad, you gonna order the dessert? It’s chocolate.”

I’m taking a stand. We are going to do “The View”. The real view on how women really are. It’s going to be once a week hosted by me at my house. All those that would like to be on the show please comment, facebook or email me. I’m serious. It’s starting next week. Get ready.

I miss Star Jones