Anyways, tonight I met a guy that I thought was very cute. We were at a bar and he asked my table who wanted to play pool. I thought that this was the perfect way to get to know him so I was all like, "Me, I'll play pool!" So I got up from my chair and the chair fell backwards. This was the first sign. I then proceeded to play pool with him, the girl he was actually interested in, and me- who has only played pool once and was BAD at it. I'm not sort of bad at pool, I'm terrifyingly bad. I naturally have hideous hand eye co-ordination, I can barely hold a pencil, so an entire pool cue is like a lesson in stupidity. I never hit the ball once, and when I got the white ball in the pocket thingy by accidentally grazing it, I was like, "What number is the white ball? And the guy says, "Number? That's the white ball!" Needless to say it was a mistake. I thought I'd get up there and be all, "Oh I'm not too good at this, could you help me?" And he'd say, "Yes." And we'd fall in love. It's that simple.
Sadly this is not the first time I've made a jackass of myself to get a guys attention. It's actually quite frequent. I will now list the ways in which I have mastered the art of flirting. Follow with discretion.
In grade nine my house had a fire. Of course that was the day I decided to wear a robe (with nothing underneath) all day long. A few hours after the fire, I decided to go look for my cat. Since I had no clothes I was wearing my neighbour's sweats that were five sizes too large and fingerless gloves (to complete the hobo-ensmeble). So I'm walking down the street, looking nuts, screaming, "Skyla, Skyla!" When who should pass by but my crush looking super cute in his baseball uniform. I was mortified!
SIDE NOTE: I had to end the story with mortified, because the more I write this down the more it sounds like it could be in YM or Seventeen Magazine. All that's missing is if that day also happened to be the day of my first period.
I have spat on guys accidentally while trying to flirt or at the very least seem attractive. One time ice actually fell out of my mouth.
I went to kiss a guy sitting on his bed and I took him off guard so he fell and hit his head, badly.
One night I was at a party and was having a really good conversation with this guy. He asked if I wanted to go to his apartment and I was like sure. We get to his apartment and it is covered with posters of The Joker from Batman. Like covered with every kind of Joker imaginable. The Jack Nicholson one, Heath Ledger, the cartoon, even pictures of him dressed as The Joker; it was terrifying. I then said, "Oh, do you like The Joker? To which he responded, "No, LOVE The Joker." I then said, "You know who I like, Two-Face." He then went silent. Half an hour later he asked if I wanted to sleep on the couch or get a cab.
This summer I babysat across the street from the hottest construction worker I have ever seen. Everyday I would bike past him. One day I was staring at him so intensely I crashed my bike into the pile of rubble he was shoveling onto the sidewalk. He asked if I was ok, and I said these exact words to him, "AWKWWFBW, uh yeah, sorry heh, good job." Good job? Why those words came out of my mouth in that order I will never know.
One day I will be the smooth girl with the witty banter, hair tossing abilities and eye lash batting. One day. Until then, I guess I will be the girl that spits and has a thing for guys who have a thing for The Joker.
Thanks for reading!
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| I'm flirting with you, can you tell? |
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