How To Babysit IV

So today was ok with the kid. Since last week was March break I hadn't seen him since Wednesday and he said that he forgot my name. That was sweet. He then asked if he could call me, "Random Citizen." I then told him, "Only if I can call you jerk seven-year old." He then got upset at me for swearing.

He had a friend come over for a little bit and these two kids could not stop talking about their private parts. It was weird. Every other word out of their mouths were, "Don't kick me in the private parts" or, "I'm gonna kick you in the private parts". It was really weird, and kind of funny how they would use both words, private parts, every time.
I asked them to stop talking like that because it really unsettled me, but this just caused them to scream it. I know you're thinking, "Use reverse psychology and then they'll stop", but I think it's equally unsettling to tell them that I like when they speak in that manner. Ewww, even just typing that gave me chills.

Anyways, in positive news I figured out how to cook something that the kid will actually eat.
This is my recipe for his favourite rice dish.

Chinesie Rice (He calls it that. I'm on the fence about it being racist or not. I guess it's not. Or is it? Is it racist for thinking that it's racist. I'm not racist. I swear!)

-Microwave for two mintues a bag of Uncle Ben's Minute rice (Now doesn't that sound so healthy, microwaving a soft plastic bag with pre-cooked rice in it. But of course if I were to make him normal rice he'd complain, believe me).
-Put a crap load of soy sauce in it.
-Put a crap load of oil in it.
-Put a touch of teriyaki sauce in it.
All done!
So he doesn't like it when I spend hours making homemade bolognese sauce or pizza, but he does like it when I microwave rice in a bag. It's like cooking for the royals!

Thanks for reading!

It kind of looks like this but it's pitch black from the amount of soy sauce. Mmm, enjoy!